I really thought I could deal with the reaction of everyone to my RA but I was wrong. Over the last 10 years or so I've come to value my closest friends, who always go out of their way to help. However, it struck me forcibly on Sunday that even they don't really understand. A group of 8 of us met for lunch and the "lads" decided they would head off into Manchester for a pre-Christnas curry this Friday. As we were leaving, I heard the "girls" saying "see you on Friday then". I wondered if I had missed something, but no, they had arranged to go to the Christmas markets and had assumed I wouldn't want to go. Now here comes the rant - first of all it would have been nice to at least have been asked. I know I can't go down on the metro as scooters aren't allowed, but Steve would have taken me down in the car and brought me home afterwards. I feel very hurt - it's bad enough being disabled, but to be have decisions taken away from you by friends is a bit too much. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? I've been very upset all week.

I think I would have been hurt too so I understand your reaction. I am sure they would be really upset if they knew they had hurt your feelings. I think you should talk to the one you are closest to. If they are true friends then you should be able to do this without it affecting the friendships and hopefully this will avoid a similar situation in the future.

Id be hurt too.

Really hurt Jean.

had some friend comments last yr at the christmas meal that were very painful. People dont understand re the loss of RA especially when you are cheery

Well I am really appalled to read this Jean. I would have to ask them 'in all innocence' where are you all planning to go on Friday?

Thanks so much you lovely people. It's good to talk to others who really understand.

I DO know that the friends I have made on this forum will always be my friends. The lovely, caring folk I've met here and on our FB group are the one really good thing about having RA. Without it, I would never have met you all and you have changed my life.

Hi Jean,

I'm so sorry that this has happened and totally understand how upset it's made you feel. Something similar happened to me a few weeks ago.
I am sure that your friends had no intention of causing you any upset whatsoever, but that's not the point really. It's the fact that they didn't think fully about it, that's what hurts.
I too assume that my closest friends do 'get' my RA and mostly, like your friends, they do understand and are very very good; but there have been a few occasions in the past when I have felt left out or let down, either by an action or remark, and it has struck me that they don't fully 'get' it after all. Then I think perhaps I'm expecting too much...how can they fully appreciate it..they don't have it. That's why, as you say, the people on here and FB are invaluable.
I hope you can get over the 'raw' hurt very soon and I'm sure your friends will do something lovely, probably when you least expect it, to restore your belief that they do understand.

Have fun on Saturday...will it involve getting pictures of naked men again?....Doreen seems very keen!

Diane x

She's always been partial to a naked man or two, Diane! Not too fussy either, come to think of it

You are right Diane, there was apicture of naked men in the ladies' at a pub we once went to.

Never have I been more embarrassed than when Jean, Julie and Kathleen were fighting each other to take photos of it!

Oh the shame, it's all coming back to me now

Big bum Jean, just hate this sort of thing, the assumptions people make are just mad. But I get angry and sarcastic as well as upset by it.

So we're in the pub, I'm sat down, everybody else is stood up because its busy and the circle closes in and I'm on the outside. So I just scream at them to remind them I'm still there, in a ranting mad person sort of way, gets the point across, everybody is shocked and laughs in an embarrassed way at their own thoughtlessness and it makes me feel better!

I bump into a neighbour the other day who hasn't been round for a cuppa since I told her about my diagnosis. Oh, you're still alive then she quips, would you have noticed if I wasn't, I quip back. Cor, I was quick that day, usually only think of those 2 days later.

Yes, its upsetting, but as Lyn says heyho, they're not worth the energy. Hope you're feeling a bit more cheery soon, easy to say but tricky thing to do.

Sara
x

But you didn't LOOK ill Jean